Perhaps, just perhaps, Cricket Australia (CA) has finally developed a modicum of consistency after the shambles of the Ashes in the summer. It seems that the 'no rhyme or reason' approach to squad selection during that infamous series proved so brilliantly successful that CA selectors have decided to adopt it permanently.
Many observers felt it was simply the pressure of a good (but not brilliant) England side that scrambled the thinking of Andrew Hilditch and co., resulting in anomalies such as Michael Beer, Xavier Doherty or Steve Smith chasing leather as glorified fielders last summer.
It would now seem that CA administrators have found a huge pot of cash to employ the team of monkeys it secretly engaged for the Ashes squad selection on permanent contracts. Peanuts and huge amounts of green and gold bananas were being delivered by the truck load to Melbourne Zoo yesterday, the new official address of CA, as the brains trust worked on their next great idea. "It's just embarrassing", said one insider as rumours circulated that the monkeys expect chauffeur service to and from the zoo. "They piss on everyone". Sadly, the same can't be said of the side they pick.
The recent announcement of the 25-man CA contract list for the 2011-2012 season was notable for a number of reasons, First, the same people who presided over the dismal Ashes debacle are still in charge. Second, good money has been given to entirely unproven players like Pat Cummins - suggesting a staggering expectation on someone who hasn't played in any senior format for Australia. Cummins will fit into a squad with more hope value associated to it than Osama bin Laden's chances of thinking paracetamol would cure his raging headache one morning as he lay in bed recently. Like bin Laden, CA now appears to be all at sea.
The well publicised axing of Simon Katich is perhaps the greatest triumph of the wildly confusing contract list. It is not as if Katich was struggling and we are not talking about district standard here, or even State cricket. No, Katich was doing his thing successfully on the world stage, single-handedly showing the resolve that the majority of his compatriots seem to lack. Katich meets most requirements of a test opener: Tough - tick. Patience - tick. Longevity - tick. Hard for opposition to get out - tick. Scores runs - tick.
So just what did go wrong? Many think that the arrival of Michael Clarke as captain has seen the selection form amended - no doubt by Twitter or some other form of unsocial social media. There are rumours that a new box was added to the key selection criteria, namely 'Ponce factor'. Here, Katich would fail badly: Shaves - no. Waxes body hair - no. Models -no. Talked about as having 'future potential' - no. Displays immature tattoos - no. The other critical box would have to be: Pinned now captain against wall of dressing room and threatened to punch his lights out - tick.
Irrespective of sport, most teams would probably consider the de-selection of one of its best performing players as inconceivable, particularly during a 're-building' phase. Katich and Shane Watson, as an opening partnership, at least gave the team something to work with. The flaky middle order including Ricky Ponting, Clarke and Michael Hussey do not merit retention if runs, as they should be, are a key performance indicator. Even the retention of Ponting is based on hope - hope that he will recapture some of the form of his youth. Run scoring is no longer an essentail batting skill it would seem, as proven by Phil Hughes being able to do no wrong. Silly Katich.
Watching Australia go about its business at the moment has shades of the legacy of the Titanic - a great ship that was thought too good to need lifeboats because it couldn't sink. Katich is a lifeboat that will now be left at home to serve only the good ship New South Wales. The difference between the Titanic and Australia's test side is that before Australia even leave port, they know their ship has all the characteristics of a sieve.
Australia has also made no secret that the 'rebuilding' is targeted toward the 2013 Ashes series. Narrow minded isn't a word that would come to mind at all? Is it worth letting the Aussies know that the administrators have foolishly scheduled some cricket before then? Sri Lanka, South Africa and India over the next few months might come as a surprise and two of those are rated more highly than the Poms. Perhaps old Hilditch didn't see those in his diary. In any event, it is doubtful that England will be sacking any player because they might not play in the next Ashes series, but then again, picking a player on current merit is not something Australia appears particularly interested in. Ask our friend Mitchell just how untalented you can be and get away with it these days. Waxes - tick. Tattoos - tick.
Focus Aussies, focus. At least the first shot in the Ashes build up has been fired...somewhere...from a spud gun.
