Some good marks for the English victors were awarded in Part 1, but what about the beaten Australians. With only one or two highlights, will the combined marks of the team match England's Alistair Cook? Read on.
Australia
Ricky Ponting: Three Ashes losses on his CV. Ooops! Grumpy, frustrated, tactically unsure, technique fading, a man really under pressure. The Good Ship Australia is sinking and fast. But bravo to Ponting. Constantly blurting out bullshit bravado in press conferences, it became hilarious viewing. Honestly Ricky, did you really expect us to believe Michael Beer was a quality spin bowler or Steve Smith was the best number six bat in the country? No runs with the bat to speak of. Ponting scores highly as a major contributor to England. 8/ 10 (he should be included in the England player ratings such was his assistance to the Poms)
Michael Clarke: Tosser. 1/ 10
Shane Watson: Looks like Watson is the sort of player who reads half a book, gets bored and picks up Hello magazine instead. Gets in, gets out with the job only half done. Needs to do more sudoku puzzles to improve his concentration, although not much time in the sheds as the Aussies always seemed to be fielding, mostly to Alistair Cook. One of only three contributors for the Aussies. Runs like he is in treacle...with lead weights around his ankles. He would probably eat his way out. Sturdy lad. Bowling was weak, never really troubled England. 5/10
Simon Katich: Difficult to judge....difficult to get out. Struggled with injury but showed his usual grit. England will have been happy to see the back of him. 5/10
Michael Hussey: The Huss was back to some of his dogged best form in the first three matches of the series. Stood up to the English bowling with great technique. Little boring mind. Faded in the two final crucial tests when England worked him out. 8/10.
Marcus North: Turned up twice. Didn't use his bat. One wicket. 1/10 (if only for the wicket)
Brad Haddin: Along with Hussey and Watson, Haddin contributed some solid runs in a losing cause. When he put his mind to it, looked dangerous. Sometimes thinks he is playing backyard cricket and gets out ugly. Didn't look like he enjoyed it behind the stumps. Who would with Mitchell Johnson bowling. 6/10
Mitchell Johnson: Absolute tripe. A chucker with no idea whatsoever where it is going. Haddin's worst nightmare. Had the temerity to try and claim Perth was due to skill. Trust us Mitch, it wasn't, it was the wind. Along with Punter, major contributor to making life very easy for the Poms. 10/10 (like Ponting, should be included in the England player ratings as he didn't contribute to Australia)
Xavier Doherty: Really? Waste of a Baggy Green. The X-Man is the Ex-Man. 0.5/10 (for having a name beginning with X)
Peter Siddle: A hat-trick to start, big hearted, can't move the ball one millimetre off the straight. Never gives up. You wouldn't like to get in a scrap with this fella in the car park. Note to Matt Prior. 7/10
Ben Hilfenhaus: Apparently he played...according to the scorecards. We believe you. 0.5/10
Phil Hughes: Midget. Wafter. Clueless. Banana farmer. 1/10
Steve Smith: Picked in the first Test squad as a batter, but not considered good enough as cover for Clarke. Then picked as a batting replacement for North. Then dropped to No. 7. Struggles to land it when he bowls. Not quite sure himself why he was even playing. Ever heard of Cameron White or David Hussey Cricket Australia? 2/10
Mchael Beer: One for the headline writers. No good. Probably never going to wear his souvenir Baggy Green again, unless at a dress-up party where the theme is L....for losers. 1/10
Ryan Harris: Big, strong, quick...but injury prone. One good performance in Perth. Middle of the road. 5/10
Usman Khawaja: Australian media went into over-drive because he got 37 and 21. A sign of the times when two scores of below 50 is greeted with such enthusiasm. Still, looked poised. Has potential. 5/10.
Doug Bollinger: One game, told he was unfit, The Rug's best performance was his dance moves in the Vodafone TV commercial. 2/10
Tim Nielsen: Shane Warne reckoned the Australian team didn't need a coach....looks like they don't have one at the moment. Not in the same league as Andy Flower. Benefits from Cricket Australia offering him a new three year contract just before the series. Costly bus driver. 1/10
Agree or disagree? Feel free to post your own ratings here.
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