Comedy and a Beer

First came Warnie: The musical, now Cricket Australia has come up with The Ashes 2010: The comedy.  Using a cast of thousands and a script randomly made up on the run, it is best described as a tragi-comedy with the feel of a car crash waiting to happen.  Crucially, the biggest criticism of this comedy is the apparant lack of any plot, allegedly because CA lost the envelope it was hastily scribbled on.  Despite losing the plot, this show appears to be hilarious viewing with endless new characters to engage the audience and critics alike each week.

Auditions for several key roles have been taking place for a couple of years.  The character of The Spinner has proved particularly difficult for those casting the eleven main positions.  Ten pretenders so far have been vying for The Spinner, which is loosely based on a now mythical legend called Shane, a fat blond cricketer who once played for Australia an eon ago.  The various spluttering actors in the role thus far have all proved unpalatable to audiences that are not associating with the legend.  This has resulted in CA chiefs axing each of the untalented actors, usually by SMS, as befitting of Shane.  Each actor is offered a 'Baggy Green', a puffy train driver style cap of the early 1900's, as a souvenir of their brief stint in the show.  Some, like the tormented Nathan Hauritz, have tried to pawn the gift for groceries on the loose assumption that within three months they will get another shot in the comedy.  Sponsor of the show, Vodafone, is also offering a free Baggy Green to anyone prepared to act temporarily in the show this week, which is playing at the WACA.  No particular talent is required and the promotional material does suggest participants should not quit any regular employment.

CA has developed some unusual characters for the comedy, including the village idiot, played by Mitchell Johnson, a shy character who has a weird habit of defacing his arms with a black marker who also hurls stuff randomly at people, including comdey abuse attributed to tourettes.  This appears to be a highlight of the show, with Johnson's spasmodic character regularly receiving howls of laughter and derision for his buffooning performances that vary wildly from day to day.  The character of The Batsmen, currently played by some travelling Englishmen, is far safer than the audience when Johnson is centre stage.

One of the latest additions to the cast is The Midget, a role that is believed to take its inspiration from Mini-Me, the spoof villainous character in the Austin Powers trilogy.  The Midget, played by Phil Hughes, is strapped to The Gym Buff (Shane Watson) who labours around the stage awkwardly stroking his hyper slick hair as The Midget slashes wildly with a bat at anything close to him.  Captain Grumpy, played by veteran actor Ricky Ponting, is the central figure and a character who regularly shows comedic disgust with his counterparts, including a rib-tickling 'teapot' routine as he stares cross-eyed all while furiously chewing his tongue.  Ponting has based his character on the silent movies of the 1920s, when actors couldn't speak to communicate on stage.

Unheard of actor Michael Beer has also been hastily added to the lengthy cast list this week, albeit it is uncertain why or what role he could possibly play.  Ponting admitted that CA has probably only brought him on board because of the endless headline writing possibilities it could create during the competitive pantomime season.  So far, this appears to be bearing fruit, with tag lines such as "All the Beer..no idea" or "Cheers England...here's The Ashes on us".

Catch the show this week from Thursday to Monday at the WACA in Perth, although spectators are urged to get to the first three days as there is some uncertainty surrounding the Sunday and Monday performances.  Special red-carpet guests attending include posh English actress Liz Hurley, invited courtesy of social media website Twitter.