The tap on the shoulder Mitch?

In breaking news this morning in the Australian media, it appears that Australian cricket selectors have finally lost patience with wayward slingman Mitchell Johnson and dropped him for the second test in Adelaide that starts on Friday.

It is understood that Johnson was axed not because of his inability to bowl anywhere near the wooden pegs but because of his penchant to retain his dirty moustache, despite the end of the 'Movember' charity month.  Rumours circulating in cricket circles suggest that Andrew Hilditch just couldn't take Johnson seriously with his rather smutty paedophile look and felt it wasn't appropriate for the media conscious squad, particularly with their new 'Men of Cricket' calendar due out at Christmas.  Johnson is understood to revere former Australian fast bowler Merv Hughes, who sported one of the most famous moustaches in cricket alongside David 'the keg on legs' Boon.  Hughes recently stood up for Johnson in the press, suggesting it would be unfair to drop Johnson despite his abysmal performance at the Gabba.

Crestfallen Johnson further compounded his own misery when bemused team mates discovered his apparent support for a small western European nation emblazoned across his back.  When Johnson removed his shirt at training yesterday, a new tattoo saying 'Go Austria' could be seen across his shoulders.  Local tattooists have denied that they preyed on Johnson's inability to look over his shoulder and have blamed Doug 'the rug' Bollinger for the prank.  Bollinger, the likely beneficiary of Johnson's axing, countered by saying "All I told the tattooist was that Mitchy wanted 'Go 'Straya' on his back.  It wasn't my fault he was of Russian origin and misunderstood me".

Kevin Pietersen, Johnson's arch rival in the England side, smirked when told of the tattoo mishap and simply added "It could happen to anyone...but Austria is a lovely place for a holiday and I am sure their tourism industry will appreciate the advertising space. He's probably got some spare time to check it out for himself".

In a further hint that Johnson is likely to be axed, the extra wide practice net constructed to accommodate his bowling was removed over night by Adelaide ground staff.  It took up the space of four normal nets and contained a plethora of stumps randomly placed across the back of the net.

Australia is due to officially announce its starting XI today, with Ryan Harris the other quick bowler pushing for a spot.  Harris has only got one good knee but was able to identify the off stump in a multiple choice picture contest yesterday, which gave selectors some heart.  Johnson picked out a picture of a salami.